Etcetera takes us into the confession of an Entertainer to a priest which I really find hilarious but is these the shocking truth behind our entertainers and O.A.Ps CIA they were not left out
Bless me father for I have sinned. My
last confession was two days ago.
Father, I am an entertainer and I have
been lying to my fans for many years.
Really? Tell me about these
lies my son.
Father, where do I start from? The lies
are so many that I don’t know where to
start. Go
ahead son, you start from anywhere, the
Lord is listening.
Father, I lied that I was signed by a
foreign record label. I also lied that I am
a brand ambassador of one of the
telecommunication firms. Whereas I was
only paid to make the jingle and later
feature on the TV commercial. I also lied
to the public that my album sold six
million copies.
My son, why all these lies?
Father, I am not the only liar in the
industry. We are all liars. Lying is part of
the job’s description.
Are you serious?
Yes father, I am being very frank with
you. My lies are even mild compared to
some of my colleagues. Imagine one
female artist lying that she was a backup
singer for Mary J Blige. How can she be
a backup singer for such an international
star and nobody saw any pictures or
videos. Normally as an entertainer such
materials could have been used to
promote her brand. She also lied that
she wrote a song for Fantasia that won a
Grammy. As I am confessing to you,
nobody knows the title of the song.
There’s no credit to her on Fantasia’s
catalog.
A Nigerian singer said all
these?
Yes father. Her own lies are even small
sef. Another female singer lied that
Beyonce’s father was her manager while
she was in the US.
No you must be joking!
Haba Father, can I be lying to you during
confession?
My son, as a reverend father
in this parish, I have seen so
many strange things. When a
man is possessed by the
devil there’s nothing beyond
him. And from what you have
been saying, there is
absolutely nothing beyond
you entertainers. But go on,
tell God more of these lies of
yours.
I have lied about buying houses in Lekki
and other parts of Lagos. But I thank
God that till today no one has thought of
looking up these properties at the
ministry of lands otherwise I would have
been caught pants down. Are you
listening father?
Yes go on son, the Lord is
also listening.
Ok, I have been bribing radio presenters
for a long time to play my songs. There
is this veteran presenter on the island
that collects a million naira and two
bottles of Jack Daniels and Black label
and one box of cuban cigar from me. He
also collects hampers and makes you
promise to buy him a cake on his
birthday.
You mean he collects all
these just to play a song?
Yes father that’s what he charges.
Jesus Christ of Nazareth,
what about those musicians
who can’t afford to give him
these things?
Haa! If you can’t afford it, then your
songs won’t be played no matter how
good they are.
But why haven’t you
musicians come together
and fight people like him?
And also, why do you keep
bribing them? Is it not the
same bribery and corruption
you people are always
accusing the Nigerian police
of?
Yes father I totally agree, we are no
different from the police. But how can we
unite and fight this corruption when
Nigerian artists are lily-livered. They all
pay these guys and go back grumbling
in their bedrooms. And whoever decides
to speak up on their behalf will be
insulted by the same people he’s fighting
for. They will accuse you of trying to
make things difficult for them. This is
really terrible. Yes father it is really
terrible.
Ok what other confessions
do you have for the Lord?
But Father, do you think the Lord can
forgive me of all these sins?
Don’t you worry yourself
about that, we will pray to
Saint Anthony of Padua to
intercede for you.
Thank you father. Now let me go on.
Most times when I see that a song of a
particular artist is gaining more
popularity than mine, I call on my guys
at the radio stations to stop playing it.
And do you also pay for
this?
Of course they won’t lift a finger without
money changing hands.
But don’t they see that what
you requested of them is
wickedness.
No father it is not wickedness, we
actually call it survival. Ok father, what
would you say if I told you that most of
our awards are lobbied for? And most of
the scandalous news you read on blogs
are leaked by entertainers to pull down
their rivals?
I’d say very interesting.
Now let me ask you a question father.
Do you believe in juju?
Boy I am a man of God and
you don’t expect me to
believe in such.
So you mean if I told you that some of us
entertainers use juju to excel, would you
believe me?
Well, I have heard of such
allegations, especially with
the fuji musicians but these
things can’t be
substantiated .
Why do you think they can’t be
substantiated? What would you make of
a musician taking a bottle containing
local dry gin, 20 naira notes, cowries,
corn seeds and alligator pepper into the
vocal booth and sipping from it and
chanting inaudible things under his
breath while singing?
I don’t have any answer to
that. Just go on with your
confession. There are still
others waiting to confess
their sins. And please can
you summarise this
confession? Tell me, why do
you entertainers indulge in
lies and all you have said
here today?
We entertainers tell so much lies and live
fake lives because that’s what Nigerians
want. They love lies and they will even
call you mumu for speaking the truth.
And the journalists are also guilty.
Asides from being too lazy, I think they
are also scared of some of these
entertainers. They rather not investigate
anything at all. Even when you tell them
a blatant lie, they won’t bother asking
questions. Now we have an industry that
is built on lies. And from the look of
things, it will stay so for a long time.
That is all I have to confess father.
Your sins have been forgiven
my son. Say the fifteen
decades of the rosary and
abstain from telling lies from
now on. Go in peace to love
and serve the Lord. Inomine
patri et fili et spiritus
sancti.
Amen
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